Saturday, March 28, 2015

Things Have Changed

Things have changed.  
But I can't tell you how.  Or what I'm going to do about it.  If I did, things would change for the worse.  
Not that the change was good.  When it happens, change can be startling.  Unsettling.  It's like an earthquake.  Your nice safe bed suddenly becomes a deathtrap.  Things that seemed stable are turned upside down.  
As someone living in Southern California, I should have known better.  Earthquakes happen here all the time.  It's not a question of "If" but "When."  It's the same with change.  It's about preparedness.  
That's where I'm at right now.  Having gone through the fore-shock, I want to be ready for The Big One.  Part of that preparation is keeping quiet.  Not telling anyone.  
Except, I did tell one person.  I had to.  You see, the way my mind works, talking and writing are the same as thinking.  I say things or write them down to hear them or feel them coming through my fingers through the pen to the paper, to see if they are true.  It's why I talk to myself.  
It's the one part of my personality that people have the hardest time understanding.  Or forgiving.  But it is how I am.  
So, I found one person who I thought I could tell who would understand the Thing that had Changed that I was talking about.  That person got it.  Saw it clearly.   
Good.  It's confirmed.  
Things have changed.  
Now?  I have to make other changes.  
I can't tell you what those other changes are.  Since they stem from the Thing that Changed first, telling you what the Other Changes are would lead you back to what the Thing that Changed is.  
Which you can't know.  Yet.  
So, right now I'm working on the Other Changes.  I've only just started.  No news or developments.  But, I've got the ball rolling.  
Actually...  I've really just nudged the ball.  It's kind of a big, heavy ball.  Not like a baseball or even a basketball.  More like that huge stone ball that chases Indiana Jones at the start of the first movie.  Remember.  That was a pretty huge ball.  If it had caught up to him it would have crushed him like a bug.  
I'm hoping my ball will be something like that when it gets going.  Big.  Rolling.  Unstoppable.  The people that are in front of it scrambling to get out of the way or they'll be crushed like bugs.  Right now, though, it's just sitting there.  
It's been sitting there for a while.  That's my fault.  I should have nudged it a while ago.  It's been sitting there so long, I wonder if it'll roll at all.  
You ever wonder about that in movies like Indiana Jones?  All these ancient traps and secret doors that have been sitting there for centuries, but which open smoothly and work perfectly when you put the key in, or pull the skeleton's jaw down, as if someone spritzed them with WD-40 right before the hero came on the scene?  In real life, Big Stone Balls that have been sitting there for years get stuck in place and require cleaning, polishing, retooling before they start rolling smoothly.  
And if these are mental Stone Balls, then they can be stuck even more in the ruts on your mind.  
I'm hearing myself saying "stone balls" over and over again and I'm thinking it can be taken the wrong way.  So I'll stop now.  Any lascivious thoughts that sprang up in your mind at this term are yours to deal with, you dirty-minded person you.
Anyway, the...  Big Rolling Thing made of Rock, has been given a nudge.  The first of many.  I hope.  
I think that is the issue that I'm dealing with.  Things change.  This is different from the Thing that has Changed that I've been writing about since the start of this blog.  Things change all the time.  They're changing right now.  Last year I was 53 years old.  Next year, I'll be 55 (assuming really bad changes don't take place that keep me from being here).  Every fraction of every second of every moment of one's life, billions of small, unnoticeable changes take place.  One day pyramids are the next big thing, the next we're putting men on the moon.  It just happens.  
To to Make Changes...  That's hard.  It's really hard.  Sometimes it's impossible.  But it only seems impossible because, as noted, they're going to change anyway.  
If you sit perfectly and absolutely still, change will happen.  If you put yourself into a stasis chamber, which freezes the all activity in your body down to the sub-atomic level, when you pop open the hatch and step out, the universe will be different from when you went it.  
So, really, it's just one's attitude that needs to change.  The idea that things can't be changed.  Because they do change (as I've pointed out above).  They don't seem to change because, as we go through life, our changes are being made in step with every other change taking place.  It's like driving in traffic, with all the cars going at the same speed.  If you just look at the cars around you, it might look like your standing still.  
That is one of the parts of the Thing that has changed that has changed.  My Attitude.  It's changed.  About what?  Can't tell you.  Yet.  But, it has changed. 
So, I guess what I'm creeping towards from a logical standpoint, is that what I really want to do is not "Change Things," but "Change the Rate and Direction of Change." 
Using the traffic metaphor, it would be like hitting the gas pedal, to whizz by the cars around you.  Or hitting the brakes, to change lanes in time to make that off-ramp before you drive by it.  
I think, though, while changes like this can certainly make Bigger Changes happen (like causing a pile-up on the freeway), I think the universe has it figured out better.  
I need to make little changes.  Tiny, sand-grain sized changes, and pile them up again and again, every day.  If such a pile builds up behind the...  Giant Rolling Thing made of Rock, then it might push it forward with a more force than any nudge I might make.  
Or so I hope.  
Anyway...  Thanks for hearing me out.  It's been a real help.  


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