Pandemic Journal Entry for 12/25/21

I made another entry in UCONN’s Pandemic Journal Project.  I decided to share my entry on my own blog.

For those interested in participating in the project or reading what some may have written you can go here: 

https://pandemic-journaling-project.chip.uconn.edu

Question

How has the coronavirus pandemic affected your life in the past week?  Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.  

Reply

“Here we go again,” comes to mind when I think about the pandemic and my life in the past week.  The company has brought back strict distancing and mask-wearing protocols, to keep the office in compliance with the mandates issued by the state and county we work in.  I went online to find a place to get an anti-Covid vaccination shot.  This time I was looking for a booster to my first two shots.  But it wasn’t easy to get one right away.  I have an appointment at my pharmacy the day after New Years, about a week from now.  The news is filled with stories about rising infection rates, games being cancelled, events scaled back, and warnings about traveling to see friends and family.  

I am not as tense or nervous as I was last time, though.  The recent evidence is that being fully vaccinated keeps you from getting the worst of it, which I am.  And I am used to wearing my masks, two of them, one under the other, when I go out.  I still wash my hands often, using hand sanitizer in between.  I’m a veteran of this fight.  It is what it is.  I’ve decided to assume that a lot of the changes to my former life are now permanent.  There is no “Normal” to return to.  It is what it is. 

Question

Is there anything you feel you’ve gained as a result of the pandemic?  If so, talk about that.

Reply

I was listening to a news program on public radio this week about being happy as a form of self-care.  One of the experts being interviewed talked about how happiness wasn’t a zero-sum game.  That being happy doesn’t mean you’re taking happiness from someone else.  That being happy, even in a crisis, is something one needs to do to take care of oneself, so you can face the troubles and deal with them effectively.  That one shouldn’t feel guilty if you have reasons to be happy when others are going through the worst of it.  

It was a good reminder for me.  I have largely been unscathed.  I kept my job throughout, and even when I had a pay cut, my expenses were cut so much from working at home that I was able to pay off my car and put money away in the bank.  I now have more cash on hand that I’d had at any other time in my adult life.  And once my pay cuts were restored, and I got a raise, I decided to save even more my increasing my contributions to my savings and 401k.  

And it gave me the chance to start writing again.  In the months before the restrictions in response to the pandemic were announced, I had decided to give it up, out of frustration and a feeling that I wasn’t going anywhere with it.  Being cooped up at home gave me the time and opportunity to go back to it, make it the daily habit it had been before.  It helped me remember how much I enjoyed the process of crafting stories.  And it allowed me to remember that the important thing was to write and keep writing for its own sake.  Not for some dream of success, which I still have and try to nurture again.  But for what it does for me in the present, the here and now.  

And I’ve gained at least the desire to change my point of view.  In the early days of the lockdown I heard another news story on public radio about optimism.  Someone on the show quoted the mottos of the Optimists’ Society.  “I will be strong so nothing will disturb my Peace of Mind.  I will be as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am may own.  I will be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.”  Since hearing them, I’ve made a point of writing them out in my journal, every morning, as a way of reminding myself on how I want to be.  I add one I made up for myself, “I will create opportunities to make progress in life.”  

I am not as good as I should be at living up to this morning mantra.  But I having given up on reminding myself of the outlook I want too create for myself.  And as long as I keep doing that, I have a chance at gaining something more as a result.